Western Kansas Dialogue

The Discourse

Welcome ladies and gentlemen, please sit and relax. It is hoped tonight that the following discussion will prove to be insightful and entertaining. To provide the necessary background, let me briefly introduce the participants.

I am Don Allen, your moderator: Known on the road, as the Pilgrim. I will be asking pertinent questions of my companions and travel commentators: Captain O.B. Obvious (Donnie) and his antithesis, Carter Vaughn Saucy (Donald).

I have asked that both refrain from interrupting each other and to stay within the content of the posed question. Before I ask the first question, let’s take a minute for you guys to tell us a little about yourselves. Captain you go first.

Captain: Well, thank you Pilgrim. A very appropriate choice, since I was first. May I state the obvious?  You are the only one of three with a physical presence; therefore, the only fingers actually on the keyboard. Would it not be your responsibility to keep us from interrupting each other? We’ll just stipulate that point. As to my background; well Pilgrim, until fairly recently you were quite content that I spend my entire existence in the background. While dodging the random firing synapses of your frayed nerves, avoiding the refuse piles of your dead brain cells; I have been overtaxed trying to find concise coherence to the amount of nonsense you have gathered through knowledge and experience. You have taken in more than the limited useful space your brain can hold. I spent the better part of the last ten years clearing clutter. I turned on the vacuum of forgetfulness to dispose of the mundane and useless. It is my goal to sort through the remaining 3% and break it down, so I can explain to you simply what you know.

Pilgrim: We’ll talk about it later. For right now; Carter, please gives us a little background.

Carter: Thank you Pilgrim, it is obvious that I was deemed unnecessary until the Obama Administration led you and the captain to explore the unchartered territory of the left side of your brain. I completely understand that western Kansas is monotonous alone. Though I may have existed previously in a circadian form, it is a great honor to take a rightful seat in your frontal lobe. I learned history through our youth from Sherman and Mr. Peabody, came to an expanded vocabulary with Clyde Crashcup and, of course, geopolitics from Boris and Natasha. My undergraduate days were done under the influence with Professor Irwin Cory and I received my masters at the University of NPR. It is my goal to present alternative thinking; adding corrigibility to the infractions of your mindset. Personally mentored by Norm Crosby, he is my dad’s 2^nd cousin on my mother’s side, twice removed; it will be a challenge to offer thoughts beyond your imagination.

Pilgrim: Thank you, with the limited time we have tonight I am only going to ask one question and then ask for a small reflection of your thinking this week. With a sincere apology to our audience; we will have to continue this at a later date.

First let me deal from the bottom of the deck of Barbara Walter’s inane questions. Captain, what food item, such as fruit or vegetable, would you use to describe Mitt Romney?

Captain Obvious: Well Pilgrim, I would have to say grapes. Whether you take him as he is, crush him or let him dry; he still remains desirable and profitable as a grape, wine or raisin.

Pilgrim:  Alright. Carter, please apply the same question to Newt Gingrich.

Carter Vaughn Saucy: Fig is not only obvious, it is correct. Despite his propensity to prolasping, he is well preserved. He is often thinly spread in his thinking and has the viscosity to be smeared. In his current prune form he is still adroitly capable of initiating a new movement.

Pilgrim: Thank you. Although we have to end tonight’s discourse early; I would like each of you to briefly summarize your thinking this week. Given the magnitude and gravity of our current dilemma and the natural confusion that embodies presidential politics; what insight can you share with our audience?

Captain Obvious: Well Pilgrim, I do not share your strong pull to understand magnets and gravity.  Although Newt has a family history of studying gravity; I believe he is the apple that did not fall all the way to the ground. I believe he must have been inhaling rocket fumes to bring up colonization of the moon. It reminded me of an old adage I created this month: “Out There” is not a reachable destination; no matter how ‘out there’ you get, there is still more ‘out there’ out there.

Carter Vaughn Saucy: Thank you Pilgrim. In reference to the natural confusion of presidential politics, my post graduate work at NPR qualifies me as having more experience and spending the greatest amount of time in confusion. We understand that the smoothest shape is a circle; there are no sharp points, nor abrupt changes in direction, as one would find in a square, triangle and the other geometric possibilities. Therefore, nearly all of our arguments and discussions are circular. I’ll admit that to many, who watch from outside in, at first, second and even third glimpse it appears confused. Once inside this confusion you only see the smoothness of the circle.