Donnie's 10 Year Dive Bar and Decadence Tour

DONNIE’S 10 Year DIVE BAR and DECADENCE TOUR

Hello   your name here   my friend,

As a privileged member of Donnie’s inner circle I am offering a ‘before it’s time’ opportunity for you to participate in my wealth.  Rather than write those 10 years off, I have economically decided to cash-in by sharing the expansiveness of my gleanings.  I am going to spin the inoculate amount of straw I gathered into gold. Yes, the sow’s ear I have been carrying for many years will finally become a really foul smelling silk purse.

You see, as a chosen participant, you will receive a life-time of befuddlement plus years of embarrassment by sharing the great dirth of wisdom that drools freely from my flaccid mind. For the paltry one time membership fee of $3,354.17 you will have first access to all of my yet to be written books. Each of these of scrolls will be signed and numbered (1) by myself or my other self Capt. O.B. Obvious.

Much to your excitement, I am already working on one! It is tentatively titled: Dive Bar Declarations or Whiskey Wisdom. Perhaps, Tavern Tenets or maybe I’ll go for the big payoff using a yellow and black cover called “Drunkedness or Drunkishnish, better yet, “Drunk for Dummies”!

Through these I can facilitude such lush pearls as seen, heard or created by Capt. Obvious:

Caution: Alcohol contains a high risk of personal embarrassment

Embarrassment is a self-righting mechanism

Getting naked is not a problem, but, being naked blurs all boundaries

And remember children… One swift stroke with the flat side of a shovel to the forehead will make an impression on the mind that even the best vocabulary will prove inadequate to provide

“The mind is the greatest sexual organ.” Ethan the Eunuch

I have the whole package baby… I’m smarter than a horse and hung like Einstein! (Wyoming Pick-up Line)

May you never hear the faux aboriginal statement… “Tohgee-yah-windea-yucca” Roughly translated; “You speak with great odor” Referring equally to breath or content

Well, lucky one, you are mere steps away from being the recipient of much more of my assidity. I promise a vast moray of this profuse profoundariousness.  I know you are asking; Is this possible for only $3,354.17?  This one-time price was derived simply by calculating my immediate financial future divided by my friends and insanely discounted by 1.369%. (Before you say anything, I know what you are thinking; “I thought he had more friends!”) Please do not misunderestimate your specialness.

If you pay immediately, you will also receive 10 photographs of me. I understand that the Recovery Act of 2009 has many of us trying to recover. So I am also extending a Multilevel Marketing Alternative: Simply convince 14 others to pay full price and your cost will be reduced to $19.99 payable in 3 easy payments of $9.99. This price only covers my H&I (Hassle & Inconvenience for you layed people)

Now for the fine print: If you haven’t notice by now the entire purpose of this nonsense was one, that I needed a good laugh and two, a personal tribute to that brightly scholastic indigenous man, Norm Crosby, who was a somewhat great influence. By the way, all monies payable in Chinese Yen, 7-11 money order or gold. Absolutely no US Treasury Notes or Federal Reserve Notes aka US Currency accepted!